Recipe Fails Volume 2

Okay…I think it may be time for another one of these…

I did my first version of this about a year and a half ago, and you guys seemed to enjoy laughing at my failures as much as I did, haha. This post is prompted by a very recent flop. Actually one that happened not long ago that you may have seen over on my Instagram…

Sometimes I have these ideas, that I think about for so long that I manage to convince myself it’s the most brilliant, innovative recipe ever, and then it turns out utterly horrible. That’s what happened here:

What is that offensive, green, slime-like substance? My sad attempt at a raw vegan dish that I was so sure would be amazing. I wanted to make a mango, coconut milk, tomato, curry sauce (with other things like fresh herbs and fresh tamarind) that I would pour over spiralized zucchini noodles and chopped cashews. I’m not crazy, right? That totally sounds like something that maybe in some world could be good? This was NOT. No, no, no…. I forgot about that weird, slimy texture mangoes get when you puree them. Perfect for a smoothie—HORRIBLE for a sauce. On top of that, it was super spicy and oddly sour. I’m still upset about it 🙁

This is another thing that I thought was just the most brilliant idea, ever:

What you are looking at is the ingredients used to make a Marcona almond butter-miso marinade for chicken thighs. Again, sounds good, right? This one wasn’t actually terrible….it just lacked flavor—like any flavor. How can something lack flavor with super pungent ingredients like miso, soy, gochujang, honey, and Marcona almonds? Excellent effing question that I have no answer for…

OMG this one I am so sad about:

Yes, that is Fruity Pebbles ice cream. It even looks amazing! I went through the trouble of infusing milk with fruity pebbles and straining it, making a beautiful custard base… Guess what? Terrible. Even if you add the Fruity Pebbles in at the end of churning, after it sets up in the freezer, they get soggy as hell. Not a great texture in the least.

These were actually delicious:

Yep, those are screwdrivers in slushie form. I honestly cannot even recall why I didn’t post them… I’m sure at the time I hated the photos or the recipe was too easy… I always seem to come up with good reasons at the time, LOL

This is a Maple-Roasted Parsnip and Pear Salad that was another super yummy thing:

But I LOATHED the lighting in the photos. This one is understandable, right?

And last but not least, whatever this white bean and kale thing is:

So super yummy, and yet I have no clue where the recipe is :/

Stop being so scatter-brained, Rachael! And don’t make gross shit! GET IT TOGETHER, LADY!

Back to more Ethiopian delights, next time 😛